


thread by thread

by astralgabriel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Although if you don't know the spoiler already what are you doing, Angst, Brothers, But only brief, Canon Compliant, Episode: s13e13 Devil's Bargain, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Major Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, but nothing explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 19:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13933305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralgabriel/pseuds/astralgabriel
Summary: Castiel finds Gabriel sat on the roof of the bunker





	thread by thread

Gabriel sat atop the roof of the bunker, his legs dangling over the edge. The sharp bite of the cold night air was too human of a sensation for his comfort, but it kept him grounded in reality. He unfurled his wings, set by set, to their full span for the first time in years, a soft groan falling from his lips at the flexing of long unused muscles.

The breeze was gentle, but so very real, rustling through his feathers. Gabriel tilted his head back, eyes closed, and indulged in the silence. Before Hell, he would’ve sought to fill the silence with some kind of babble or commotion, unable to settle without some kind of noise.

Now, though, words were a privilege. A gift. Hell had taught him not to waste words, as it was so very easy to take them away.

Most of the time, Gabriel still didn’t trust his throat to make sound, or his lips to part and shape out words, or his voice to function. It was quite poetic, he’d mused. The voiceless Messenger. The tongue tied Silvertongue. His very own serving of just desserts.

“Gabriel." 

The silence was shattered, and Gabriel flinched, fingers curling white knuckle tight around the edge of the roof, ready to push off.

It took him a moment to place the voice and the warm presence of another’s grace, for his mind to switch out of flight mode. Still, something stayed coiled tight in Gabriel’s chest, ready to lash out.

“Apologies, brother, I didn’t mean to... startle you.”

“It’s fine,” Gabriel lied.

Castiel took that as a cue to join him, perching next to him. Gabriel peered over the edge at the drop below. The temptation had been there, but he knew it’d do little more than cause him some minor injuries now. His grace had recovered too much for such a simple exit.

“Were you... Are you leaving?” Castiel asked, his gaze tracing slowly over Gabriel’s wings. He often forgot he was one of the few winged angels left.

“I- No. I just needed to feel them. To feel free. Besides, where could I go? Vegas doesn’t really have the same pull anymore.” The joke was a half-hearted attempt to lighten the tone and reassure Castiel, but they both knew it lacked the amusement and warmth Gabriel used to carry.

A pause hung thick between them, Castiel unsure of what to say, Gabriel not caring to waste his precious words.

“Sam was worried, when you didn’t come to dinner earlier.”

“He’ll get over it.”

“He cares about you, deeply.”

Gabriel pointedly looked forward, swallowing down his protest. It would be so easy to just fly away, blending into the night sky, away from the humans and his brother and feeling vulnerable and-

“Dean does, too. He won’t say it, but he does care.”

“That’s the problem right there,” Gabriel snapped, recoiling slightly as thunder rumbled across the sky. He let out a clipped, bitter laugh at the reminder of how little control he had over his own grace. “As Dad’s Messenger, I was adored. Exalted. As Loki, I was worshipped. Feared. Not pitied. Never pitied.”

Each word was bit out, yet Gabriel felt his resolve crumbling, each syllable chipping away at his cracked walls.

“Emotion doesn’t make you weak, Gabriel, and you mistake pity for empathy. Sam and Dean understand how you feel far better than anyone ever should.”

Gabriel drew in a shuddered breath and dropped his head, ignoring the warmth running down his cheeks. “All I’ve ever been is a weapon. For Dad, for Asmodeus, just a means to an end,” he said, his voice reflecting the bone deep exhaustion he’d always known. “I don’t know what I am anymore, Cas.”

“Not what. Who,” Castiel replied, placing his hand on Gabriel’s shoulder; the archangel flinched, and Castiel tried his best to push down his horrified reaction before Gabriel caught it. “You are Gabriel, and only you get to decide exactly who Gabriel is.”

“You should start an advice column.”

“You’re deflecting from pain with humour.”

“Huh. Never thought you’d cut it as a therapist. I think my issues all started with Dad, but-”

“Gabriel,” Castiel interrupted, and Gabriel dropped his fake grin with a sigh.

“Sorry, its pretty automatic at this point. Besides, I’m still not convinced all this is real. Got to crack some jokes before vacation is over and my mouth is out of order again.”

“Oh, Gabriel,” Castiel said gently, though Gabriel could clearly hear the sadness laced through the seraph’s voice. Castiel pulled Gabriel against his chest into in embrace, and Gabriel only hesitated for a moment before melting into the feeling of warmth and safety and love, surrounded by Castiel’s grace.

“This is real. I promise you, this is all real.”

**Author's Note:**

> So. The end of Devil's Bargain has dragged me back into this fandom. It's been 3 years since I last watched, but after seeing spoilers, I just had to catch up
> 
> I've been working on a longer fix-it fic, but I've had this little exchange in my head for a while, and after seeing those behind the scenes photos (check the gabriel tag if you haven't seen them), I had to get something written (so this hasn't been beta read, sorry)
> 
> The title is inspired by the song "Neptune" by Sleeping At Last, which fits Gabriel rather well
> 
> (come say hi on tumblr - astralgabriel - or on twitter - galahxds)


End file.
